Happiness

I am horribly indecisive.

It is a characteristic I have had ever since I can remember. Which college to go to was decided literally with a list of pros and cons.

Recently, I have teetered back and forth with questions: To move from Colorado to Charlotte? From Boulder to Denver? To stay at my job or to leave? To go to CU for grad school or to another nearby school? etc. etc. etc.

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I will make a decision to do something and then a few weeks later decide against it. In the end, I feel like much of my indecisiveness rests on my happiness. I am the type of person that relies on my social and mental well being to determine what I want to do or where I want to do. Ultimately, while frustrating, I think this is my way of figuring out who I am and what I want to be. For I have seen too many people make rash decisions that lead them down a path that they really didnt want to be.

Since moving to Colorado I have done a lot of self discovery. I decided that Colorado really is the place I want to be. But I have recently asked myself questions such as: Do I really want to be in Boulder? Who is most important to me in my life? Is money really all that important? What do I want to accomplish in my life?


Boulder is a unique place. That is really all I need to say about it-you must experience it to understand. Sometimes I feel like I fit in here and others I dont. About a month ago I was dead set on moving to Denver in January. Denver is a great city, very diverse and full of culture. I was excited and ready to make the move.

And then something happened. One of my co-workers, Bonnie, introduced me to her friends from the CU music department, Dizney and John. They were nice guys and I didnt really think anything of it until they made an effort to try and get me to hang out with them. I am not really used to an effort being made by others and often feel as though I am making too much of it myself. Needless to say, it was a pleasant surprise.

So just last week I asked now asked myself: Do I really want to leave Boulder? The answer was simply: No. I do have friends in Denver and friends in Boulder, but for now I have decided to give myself some more time in this town to discover it more. The option will always be there to move to Denver, but will my co-worker Bonnie or any other friends I have made? So as of January 1st, 2010, I will be leaving my current townhome in East Boulder to move to downtown Boulder and will be keeping my job as manager of good old Powell's Sweet Shoppe!

I have had my ups and downs in Colorado that's for sure. But over the past month, life has been changing. There are more positive, happy days, rather than homesick, lonely ones. I am in love with the Rocky Mountains. That's a given-who wouldnt be? I have a wonderful group of runners in Denver that I wish I could see and run with more often, but know that will come with time. I have a great church group, Merge, that is filled with young adults, that have lifted me up, as well as challenged me. I have a wonderful Michigan, skiing and running comrade, Jaime, who is by far my best friend here. I have a great boss, co-workers, and flexible job that may not be the most fulfilling one, but is a positive place with good times had by all.

It has been one heck of a journey, but when you reach that happy place, it is one of the best feelings in the world. I want to thank all of those that have helped me thus far along the way; presently in Colorado or not. Finally, I feel like Im almost home.

There is a song from The Fray that I listen to quite often that pretty much sums up my discovery of happiness here in Colorado:

"Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you'll never find it all
But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she'll be home
Home, home, home..."